UofA to sell NFTs as a part of Organisational Sustainability plan

Words by Chad Profitz

After sustained losses in 2020 and 2021 due to the COVID-19 pandemic limiting the number of international enrolments, the University of Adelaide has decided to enter the NFT space in order to increase revenue.

NFTs (non-fungible tokens) have shot to ever increasing popularity in 2021. Based on “block-chain” technology, NFTs are digital receipts that an individual pays for as evidence that they own a thing.

Critiques of NFTs are various, from people challenging the “ownership” NFT buyers really have of their purchase, to environmentalists recognising the toll these digital transactions have on the global ecosystem through increased emissions.

Secretly unveiled at the most recent University Council meeting and despite backlash from the School of Economics, VC Peter Høj said he believes NFTs, and more broadly crypto currency, are the future of global commerce. Høj revealed that the university will be issuing NFTs of many of the Adelaide Uni’s “most recognisable buildings”.

“The student experience is at the heart of our mission,” Høj opined, “and students love the technologies… as you are aware. This initiative will position the university as a world leader in this emerging field.”

The initial release will include popular spots such as Ligertwood, Bonython Hall, Elder Hall, Napier (believed to sell for the least), and Old Uni Bar. Høj was at pains to inform the Council that buyers would not necessarily own the buildings and that their ownership would not extend beyond the image itself.

This drew the audible ire and confusion of the half-senile boomers who currently sit on the University Council.

Saab Australia chief Andrew Keough was heard whispering to a colleague, “What the fuck is a non-fungal token?” while former Liberal senator Amanda Vanstone had to be poked awake with a stick by her minders.

Høj was contacted via email to ascertain if he is in ownership of any Lazy Lions, Bored Apes or Crypto Punks, but declined to comment.

Following this announcement, the Adelaide University Union announced that they will also be entering the NFT space.

If you ever wanted to own On Dit articles like “That’s It, I’m Kink Shaming” or “The Punters Guide to Eating Ass”, or tweets such as “SRC President results: (Duck) Oscar Ong: 1075; (Triangular flag on post) Ana Obradovic: 1211. Obradovic is elected 2022 SRC President” or “After just 5 minutes of discussion, the board meeting has moved in camera” then you’re in luck. The AUU has announced they will be auctioning off just about anything as an NFT in a bid to increase revenue, even putting up their own logo.

Rumours have also emerged that an initial coin offering (ICO) will be announced soon for one of the uni’s major clubs, the Adelaide University Engineering Society. We understand 1 EShayCoin will be pegged to the value of a sausage sizzle and a carton of pale ale.