Rated by Emma Mustaca

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Art by Emily Savage

Oh, the weather outside is frightful. Some people call it snuggle weather, or some people (or at least the 800 cafes I follow on Instagram) frequently describe it as hot chocolate weather. I’m in the silent majority of people who strongly dislike both coffee and tea. Just drink water, you assholes. I believe in a higher beverage; that of the hot chocolate. And because I love you and want to spread the good word during this shitty, cold season, go treat yourself with any one of these five fantastic hot chocolates in Adelaide.

#1 Bodri’s Bakery, Central Markets.

Body: If you like your hot chocolates the way I like my men (on the thicker side) you will love this thicc bih.

Flavour: She is the perfect blend of full bodied chocolate and milky goodness. It tastes like melted chocolate ice cream but not disgusting.

Price: $5.50, a small price to pay for perfection

#2 Just Bliss, Gawler Place

Body: This baby be syrupy and thicc, and most importantly, made with real chocolate, just the way God intended.

Flavour: These kinds of hot chocs can be cloyingly sweet but not this baby, no sir. This is one fine, artisan hot choc that shits on its pale franchise imitators. (I’m looking at you, Koko Black!)

Price: $5, but it will also ruin every other hot chocolate for you forever.

#3 Astonish Patisserie

Body: The Nutella Hot Chocolate at Astonish adds the other thing that attracts me to men as well as hot chocolates; richness

Flavour: She is pure nutella-y, chocolatey goodness. It’s not a one note sweet either, this bitch is complex. It’s as creamy as I am for her, oh my!

Price: You’re gonna need a sugar daddy for this one. It’s $8.50 which is typically a) heinous 2) daylight robbery but it is a big serve and came with an entire bueno as decoration.

#4 Argo on the Parade/Square

Body: She’s not thicc but silky smooth. Big love.

Flavour: Curveball! I’m talking about the Strawberries and Cream hot chocolate. She is not so much strawberries and cream as strawberries and white chocolate but GOD she is beautiful!! A decadent pink princess made with half ruby choc, half white choc.

Price: $6.50 which is a lot but it’s worth it for something both out of the box and good

#5 My Kingdom for a Horse

Body: She’s silky smooth like freshly shaved and exfoliated legs.

Flavour: A perfectly balanced and blended ratio of milk and dark choc to textured milk. Also, great if you feel like walking halfway across the CBD for little to no reason.

Price: $4.20, blaze it.

If you love these hot choc thots, consider following @hotchocsrated_adelaide on Instagram.

Written by

Adelaide University student magazine since 1932. Edited by Nicholas Birchall, Felix Eldridge, Taylor Fernandez and Larisa Forgac. Email us at onditmag@gmail.com

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