Leaders or Leeches — a comparison between MPs and seminar group members

Words by Felix Eldridge

While many people would like to brand politicians as being out of touch with their electors, there are some clear and startling similarities between MPs and university students in seminar groups.

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Art by Emily Savage

1: The Alpha

You have the natural leaders of the table group: the ex debaters and the high achievers who know their course outlines back to front, and love a good fight. These are the people who correct the seminar leader about the date of assessments. These students represent the most eloquent speakers, the most brilliant of MPs, and the most competent of Ministers.
Your politician: Paul Keating

2: The Lucky One

You have the moderately well-performing students, those that claim to have done the readings but you know haven’t, yet they somehow fluke their way to a distinction. These are the same students who will proudly assert they have never sought extensions but will jump on them when they are freely given. This is probably reflective of the majority of new MPs, struggling to balance their various workloads yet always maintaining a cheery façade of control.
Your politician: Scomo

3: The HustlerTM

You have the chronically busy students who come in late, leave early and are always complaining about how many assignments they have or how many subjects they are enrolled in. This is analogous to those cabinet ministers who consistently dodge or cut short their various commitments for ‘important meetings’ when we all know that their ‘constituent meetings’ are always with a Miss C, Crush.
Your politician: Bill Shorten

4: The Joker

And speaking of playing games, you have the ones at the back of the table who play computer games and never participate in the seminar. Amusingly, this is what happened when a state MP was actually caught on camera playing Solitaire and Free Cell during Parliamentary Estimates.
Your politician: Jon Gee

5: The Leech

You have your course dropouts and elective bludgers, the students who enrol to bump up their GPA or merely disappear after a single lecture. There’s always someone like that in politics, either laying low after a scandal or just there to indulge in a political ego trip.
Your politician: Melissa Price

6: The Party Animal

You have your drunk students or those nursing a hangover when they rock up late, if at all.
Your politician: Tony Abbott

7: The Outcast

You have that one arrogant opinionated know it all who will always find a way of disagreeing with the seminar leader, students and society in general. If this sounds familiar it should, this is basically half the independent rural MPs.
Your politician: Bob Katter

The next time you go to your seminar, take a look around the table and see which MPs you can recognise from there. After all, you might be one of them.

Written by

Adelaide University student magazine since 1932. Edited by Nicholas Birchall, Felix Eldridge, Taylor Fernandez and Larisa Forgac. Email us at onditmag@gmail.com

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